First of all, you all should listen to Chance the rapper. current listening to “Blessings” live at Jimmy Fallon. Sounds make me really happy and I really appreciate his sounds and passion.
Thanks giving. Growing up I was never a holiday person. When I was about 6 years old, the excitement went away. I never liked Christmas or Thanks giving or anything like that. To be completely honest it depressed me. I have many memories that were so gloomy. From my traditional watching of “Wall-e” by myself every Thanksgiving, and that one time when I was making bracelets alone in my dark room, sitting next to my night light knowing how sad of a Christmas it was that year.
BUT This won’t about holidays. This isn’t about a sad memory. This is about Thanks Giving but I’m not talking about turkey. I’m talking about giving thanks!
I been going through a not so easy situation and time but in all honestly it hasn’t been too difficult. I almost don’t see it. I’ve learned that in storms you have to just learn to flow with the waves and not go against it. I don’t mean, you could just sit there and let life pass you by but I mean don’t make the difficult times worse. Don’t throw petty parties and invite everyone. That certainly makes everything worse.
Now I am a crier, I am for feelings and emotions because we are human. I totally understand and do not disregard how we may feel during storms, but from someone who got saved from deep depression and suicidal tendencies I know that it’s important to know ourselves and know what does us good. What will help us and what wont. With some people if they talk with others, it gets really unhealthy and with others, sharing with others is very healthy. Myself, it’s good for me to process in writing mainly but as well just in myself, clean (messiness express how you are inside) and clear my mind but with art, sounds, music, walks and such.
Yesterday as I was processing I thought, I want to write about difficult times and that is why I expressed the above but as I was processing, I thought about something one of my dear friends said this one time. He said, “I can’t take credit for any of the good things that have ever happened to me.”
Every time it gets difficult I think of this and I think, every single good thing in my life. Everything that wasn’t just an emotion or a happening that caused a happy moment but seriously something that was good and remained good and gives me joy..” and I really sit there and think. AND of course every single time it remains the same. I can not take credit for it. God takes it. Every single thing, every single time. All things. In my whole life!
When I was in my teens doing drugs and what not gave me good times but of course that didn’t help one bit. Specially when I got so attached to them I couldn’t even sleep. Or the times I did fun things with my friends or spent money on things I loved.. that never lasted. Even the next day I felt a little sad wishing I could redo the great day from before.
But with God.. Wow. I got set free from depression. I got healed from things that kept me in bondage and that IS freedom and joy that lasts forever! Having my family close knit when it never was before God.. there’s no price on that! Or meeting my best friends would have never happened EVER if I didn’t meet and choose to follow Christ. If I didn’t choose to follow God, I would have never chosen to work with One Voice. If that didn’t happened I would have never learned as much as I did, meaning I would have for sure let go God. If that didn’t happen I wouldn’t have done the One Voice internship and wouldn’t have met some of my great friends and people I look up to. If that didn’t happen I would have never met Ben Lim (meaning I would have never went to his church, my family wouldn’t have gone there meaning my family wouldn’t be as close and I would have never met my husband or my sister her fiance and soooo many of my amazing friends from all across the globe), I would have never gone to Thailand meaning I wouldn’t have fallen in love with it meaning right now I wouldn’t be planning on living there soon… This could go on for hours and hours and for the rest of my life!
Because once upon a time I was born into a hurt broken family. Very dysfunctional. Dad going to prison for horrific reasons. Mom being very hurt. Sister being very hurt. Me become hurt by hurt people. Depression, drugs. Broken hearted time and times over. Suicidal. Then everything changed in a way nothing else but God could explain it.
As I think and process/ed into these things I realize that thanks giving is the key.
Being able to admit and realize how I hold no credit for anything thus far does something in you. It allows thanks giving to flow out of you. I could cry from expressing how thankful I am! I would be DEAD. Literally there would be no other way because I killed myself a week after I turned 17 and I’M HERE! How? God!
Now lets sit here and look at our lives, regardless of what’s going on in life at this moment and realize what you haven’t done and what God has done. There’s something so major when we realize we can’t really do major things. We can’t fix people, change things, heal ourselves or anyone that is. We can’t justify ourselves and the list goes on. It truly humbles me.
It may be difficult right now because really, I don’t know what’s going on, what’s going to happen or how or when but I know one thing..
What God wants to happen will happen, when He chooses, how He chooses, to places with people HE chooses. And that, I am certain of and the rest I’ll give thanks for. I’ll ask God what I should do and keep doing what helps me, what gets myself to remain healthy and well, and being. God is God but we must also do as well. The doesn’t mean to fight and plan or whatever else but do what is necessary. (for example: if you are broke and owe money, you don’t get sit there. You talk to others, you pray, you ask God for guidance and BE guided. Whether that may be getting a job or raising funds or what ever it may be.)
In, through, from, for all seasons..
Give thanks. Be thankful. Being thankful makes the heart smile. Process through things.
All this was just me sharing what I processed and how I processed.
God, thank you. Thank you for all that is behind us, for all that is before us. All that is to come. Thank you Father for taking us from where you were and God I thank you that you will take us out of where we are and take us into the perfect place as long as we look at you and turn to you. Thank you for giving us strength. Thank you for giving us things to be thankful for (without having to compare to others who have less) but truly look at our own lives plain and simply be thankful for it all. God you got us. Thank you. Amen.
Special thanks to my friend Daniel for that one time while we had lunch (who a random person treated us to because she was so blessed by us) and you shared what you did as we shared our life stories with each other. You are the best and so is your beautiful wife, Victoria. Love you both